Frantic
by Dreamwriter5000
Summary: Don's Point of view of some of the events of 'The Fifth Man'


Version #2

 _God, this hurts._ The knife wound in his side hurt like nothing else in his experience. Don struggled past the pain to take one more breath. _Where did all the oxygen go?_ He coughed, but it didn't help. His chest felt tight, and there wasn't enough air. He had to get enough air to call for help. _That's what the radio is for, after all._ As if in answer, he heard Nikki off to his left.

"Agent down, I need a medic at 4430 Duncan street. ASAP." A moment's pause and, "David! Don's hit, I called a medic, but I can't see straight to help!"

 _Nikki's ok, good._

She finally moved into his field of vision and said, "Help's on the way boss, just keep breathing."

Don couldn't stop the smile that crept onto his face. _What do you think I'm trying to do Nikki?_ But he nodded anyway. She said, "We have to talk to Charlie about his math, he said—"

"Don! Where are you hit?" David dropped to his knees on Don's other side and, despite the implications, it amused Don to find him slightly less calm and collected than normal. Don tapped the right side of his stomach lightly and would have yelped if he could have spared the breath. David started tugging on Don's sweatshirt, trying to get a look at the wound, and Don lost the battle with pain. Everything went white, then dark. When he could see again, he was in a moving ambulance with an oxygen mask on his face, a paramedic on the bench beside him, and David sitting beside the paramedic. The mask made breathing a tiny bit easier. Talking might be possible if he kept his sentences very short.

The paramedic said, "Can you understand me Agent Epps?"

"Yes." He didn't recognize the raspy whisper that came out of his mouth. _Yeah, this isn't one of my better nights._

The paramedic said, "Good. I need you to try and stay awake, and your colleague has a couple hundred questions to help you do that, so I'm going to let you two talk. Sound good?"

"Great. David,"

"What can you tell me about him?"  
Don had to take several breaths before managing, "Trial by fire. Hell of a first day."

"Don't worry about it, My problem, not yours. What can you tell me about the guy who did this?"

Don remembered the man's eyes, cold and uncaring as they watched him fall. "Snake Eyes,"

There was no more oxygen. It hurt so much to breathe. Don kept pulling air into his lungs, but it didn't do him any good. He recognized the euphoria that follows asphyxia but it didn't seem worth the effort to try and do something about it. David's voice was a faint, background murmur that faded as he sank into blissful, pain free, darkness.

When the darkness faded, he was back at the Duncan street house. Snake Eyes stood, staring at Don with those cold, dead eyes. Fearless, uncaring.

"How did you fool Charlie?" Don asked. "He didn't anticipate you. Why?"

When Snake Eyes spoke, Don heard Charlie's voice, which said, "I'm not part of his equation, I'm a missing variable."

"Hello Don," Don's chest tightened and his breath caught. He hadn't heard that voice in almost seven years. He turned away from Snake Eyes, half hoping, half fearing what he would see.

"Mom." She looked younger than when she'd died, more like when he was a kid.

"Hello hon, It's been a long time."

In that moment, he wanted, more than anything, to hold her, to be a child again. He wanted to stop worrying about everyone else. As if she'd heard his thought, she smiled and said, "That's why I'm here, you can choose to do that. He—" she glanced at Snake Eyes, "He doesn't have to be your problem anymore." She held out open arms to Don and he gave into temptation and embraced her.

Time stopped. There was no worry, exhaustion, or pain. It was a single, perfect moment whose end would be _wrong_ in countless ways.

Agony ripped through Don as Snake Eyes gripped his shoulder, bringing about that horribly wrong ending. This time he spoke with Allan Epps's voice. "We're not done yet."

Something Don's shrink had told him echoed in his ears.

"Stop worrying about life passing you by. Start enjoying what you put into it."

 _I didn't put enough into it. I want to enjoy it._

Oh, there had been moments; Charlie getting his security clearance back, rebuilding his relationship with Robin, even writing the letter of recommendation for David. _It's not enough._ For the most part, he'd been too busy searching; Searching for God, for answers, for the reason Carl had failed to have him thrown out of the FBI. _This is supposed to be where I get all the answers, but all I have are more questions. Where are the answers? I want to find them. If this is death, where is God?_ Wherever He was, it wasn't here. _I want to enjoy life again._

The realization was a sweet, sharp pain in the core of his soul.

"You're right." He told Snake Eyes. "We're not done yet. Give me a minute." Snake Eyes nodded and released him. Don turned back to his mom. He said,

"I'm not done yet. People still need me, and I have things I want to do."

Rather than disappointment, he found joy in her face; a warm, gentle smile he remembered from their last days together. She said,

"That's my boy, always putting others first. Be happy, Donnie, and remember, I love you, always."

"I love you too Mom." He embraced and released her for the last time. "I'll see you later."

"Much later," she agreed.

He turned to face Snake Eyes and said, "Time to go." Snake Eyes didn't speak, only nodded, watching Don with his cold eyes. Don took a step forward to subdue Snake Eyes and the icy, burning pain ripped through him a second time, sending him back to the darkness.

###

When awareness returned it was of a dull pain in his side, the smell of hospital disinfectant, leaden exhaustion, and the sight of his dad dozing in a chair beside Don's hospital bed. Allan Epps slouched in the chair, a book splayed across his chest and one hand resting near Don's.

It took a ridiculous amount of effort to brush his fingers against his father's hand, but he managed it, and his dad stirred.

"Good book?" Don shoved the words past his exhaustion. His dad looked like he needed more than a simple touch. His dad confirmed it by almost dropping the book in his efforts to put it aside.

His dad said, "No, I've read better." He seized Don's forearm in a relieved grip. "Welcome back."

"Thanks, what'd I miss?"

"Oh, I'll let Charlie and David fill you in, but Robin was here, she'll be back as soon as I call her. David and everyone at work is waiting to hear that you're awake. Amida and I had to chase Charlie away, if he didn't have something to do, he'd still be here. The doctor expects a full recovery." His dad put on a stern expression, but his tone teased. "She's been very nice through all of this, so don't disappoint her."

Don started to laugh, but it hurt too much, so he confined himself to a smile.

"I'll do my best."

"You should go back to sleep."

"Yeah," It was hard to keep his eyes open, so he surrendered to the exhaustion and sank into sleep.

Robin had taken his Dad's place in the chair when Don woke up. He felt stronger, able to hold a real conversation, and craving information. She looked almost as exhausted as he'd been feeling. She also welcomed him back; her kiss on his forehead and gentle squeeze of his hand felt very good. _It's not a night in bed together, but it's a start._ She grinned at his expression; a mischievous glint in her eye.

"I know what you're thinking, sir, and you're in no shape for it." She leaned closer and whispered, "Neither am I, so tuck it away someplace for later." She kissed him again.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he protested archly, letting his own smile loose. "I just wondered if you'd heard from David."

"Oh, well if work is all you're worried about—"

"Ok, maybe not _all_."

She relented and told him about Nikki's injuries and the team's progress. She said, "They caught the home invaders." Don sighed with relief and just a hint of pride. He really did have a good team. He said, "Including the guy who put me in here?"

Robin's expression sobered just a tad. She said, "No, but your brother is generating leads. He and David have a scheme in the works to draw the bastard out and snag him, but they have to line up a few ducks first."

"So, Charlie found his missing variable. Good." Don muttered, remembering his dream.

Robin said, "What?" Don smiled and shook his head. Any further questions Robin might have asked were interrupted by the arrival of his dad, and Nikki.

"Look who I found!" Allan said.

"Finally! Someone with intel!" Don said. "Robin says you caught the shooters, sorry I missed the fun."

Nikki's grin was sheepish with a touch of guilt that Don recognized immediately. It was hard, thinking you let your partner down. She said, "It was half Charlie. He cleaned up the fingerprint we found, and found their next target so we could set up a sting. Turns out his math wasn't off—"

"Big surprise there." Don quipped.

"Yeah, well the guy who—he's a mercenary who helped wipe out the village our home invaders hail from. They want him almost as badly as we do." She threw Robin and Allan a pleading glance.

"Coffee?' Allan asked Robin.

"I'll be back in a bit." Robin promised and left with his dad. Nikki stood silent for a moment, her expression growing more hangdog by the second. She said, "Boss, I'm—"

"We're good." He told her so firmly that she blinked in surprise. Don continued before she could. "When I called the medic, I wasn't watching _your_ back. That's how he got you. If there is blame to hand out, I get an equal share. So, no moping, that's an order."

Nikki blinked again, and some of the guilt left her expression. She said, "Who told you he got me?"

"No one had too, I remember seeing you go down before I did. Six stiches and a concussion and you managed to call for a medic and call David. Not bad. What's this plan Charlie and David are cooking up?"

"Your brother thinks he can find the diamonds the mercenary got for his last job. If he does, he's convinced David to let him play decoy."

Don wanted to protest; to forbid Charlie from doing any such thing. But, he'd had that argument with his dad once too often. Charlie was an adult. If he wanted to put himself at risk, that was his decision.

"You guys will have his back." It wasn't a question.

"The whole team, " Nikki assured him. "That bastard gets too close to Charlie and he'll be in a world of hurt. We won't let him touch a hair on Charlie's head, promise."

"Good enough. You'll have to tell me all about it once you catch him."

"It'll be one of the few reports I'll enjoy writing, boss." Nikki made her farewells and went back to work. Don went back to sleep.


End file.
